Hello. I seem, at first appearance, to be a normal, everyday girl. Then you get to know me. I change from a 'normal' girl to a somewhat immature, kind of shy or else too talkative, definately immature young woman. You begin to wonder what's up with me when I talk on and on obsessively about one topic, even when everyone around me lost interest ten minutes earlier. You find it strange that I freak out about change, about meeting new people. You're amazed by my memory, the way I can ramble off random facts about any number of subjects. You might even be unnerved by how real imaginary characters, be they from my fantasies or another's, are to me. Eventually, I may become too much for you to handle, to deal with. You begin to wonder, what is up with me? Now I will tell you.
I have Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS), a high-functioning autism spectrum disorder. Because of this, I have trouble reading social cues. I am often off in my own little world. I can not think like most other people do. It often makes me more immature than would be expected from someone my age.
'That's impossible,' you might think, because I am intelligent and seem normal at first. It is not. I am simply high-functioning. That does not mean I do not have this disorder.
You may think I'm just making excuses. It may seem that because there are no outward signs of a disorder, nothing obvious, that means it isn't there. That's not true. Perhaps I have spent years developing coping skills, so that I might not stick out so much.
You may think you don't know me. Perhaps not. Perhaps you do. I might be your sister, your daughter, your roommate, your friend. I might be the quiet girl in the back of the room, or the person who seems cold and aloof.
Don't judge me because I might be different. I am a person like you. I know that I am not like others. I often want to join your world, but can't. Please don't ignore me. Don't walk away, thinking I'm a freak. Perhaps, someday, you will be trying to connect to the outside world, as I am now.
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It is like my inner self is 20 years behind my outter self. Things often come slower to me, but once I have them they tend to stick.
My friends tell me they use to be able to take me in small doses- things are better now. I rely on my faith to pull me through and my mind is slowly catching up. I really don't know how to act my age, but it's not that expected of me by those that know me- they chalk it up to being creative. Funny thing is- I didn't realize I was that different until others started pointing it out. I thought everyone had real imaginary friends- I cried when one of mine "died".
Thanks again for posting.
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"If we don't fight for our freedom....who will?"
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Things you should check out:
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[link] - Fighters from Holland
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i've heard it too many times to ignore it
there's something that i'm supposed to be
Very concise. Shorter in fact than I expected--but it covers every point I could think of (an incisive irony all of its own, since you say "I go on and on about a topic long after others are bored with it," yet you manage to cover the topic with brevity yet comprehensiveness). It's also extremely well organized. It reads more as a testimony or scholarly essay than as a work of fiction, but I believe that's exactly what you were going for (and is more appropriate to an introduction of the topic of the disorder, really. than a work of fiction would be).
It's true that the more full-blown disorders get more press than the mild ones--Autism is on the rise and so is the attention it receives, but Aspergers and PDD-NOS remain on the back burner. This was even true four years ago in my psychology classes, although in my Developmental Psych class Autism Spectrum Disorders did get a whole several chapters. Interestingly this kind of thing, only focusing on one disorder in a spectrum, can also cause multiple problems of public perception. For instance, there are three recognized types of diabetes, but the public always judges the severe type I's like me by the credentials of treatment of type II ("just don't eat sugar, just lose weight, and you'll be fine," etc). Weight loss helps any disorder, but type I has nothing to do with weight (when I got it I was a six year old stick) and a type I can eat sugar, but it all has to do with balancing out ratios of insulin....and going into the hospital is a far more complicated issue. Seems to be a problem with any kind of disorder. Our society wants the quick fix answer, it is too impatient, indifferent, and fast-paced. And so valuable knowledge, information, becomes jarbled in people's brains. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And I hate it, lol.
It's times like this when I am glad to have experienced the horrible things I have due to my illness. I believe it's a unique opportunity to feel empathy and compassion for others who stand out in some way and are maladapted to "normalcy." I may not have the same problems as you, but I have keenly felt the same sense of aloneness even in a room full of laughing people--the same sense that no one is patient enough to deal with problems I can't help--the same sense that there is never going to be an end to my disorder, but that perhaps with effort I can get a grip on it--the same temptation to just give up, but then the relentless desire to not let my disorder define who I am, or give me an excuse not to excel at anything.
I hope that my empathy allows me to understand what you are going through in some small way, even though I don't have an Autism Spectrum Disorder, but rather different struggles, such as diabetes, migraines, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD.
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Fall down seven times, stand up eight.~Japanese proverb
God never leaves me. In my ignorance, I have frequently thought that I have left God, but that is altogether impossible.~Angelou
Plurality in interpretation is a sign of strength.~Nietzsche
I also have relied strongly on my faith to pull through, it helps a great deal. My friends, the ones who really know me, are used to me being 'young' for my age, and they don't mind too much.
I also don't think I realised I was too different until my family moved...that's when people began to really point it out to me. I also thought other people had imaginary worlds and friends that they could visit.
Thanks so much for your comment. It really made my day.
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"There is nothing more mean and ugly in this world than to have a loving gift, a beautiful spirit, and a desire to give and share these things when there is no one to share them with." --Ribaldi/Rigoletto, Rigoletto (Feature Films for Families movie)
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"There is nothing more mean and ugly in this world than to have a loving gift, a beautiful spirit, and a desire to give and share these things when there is no one to share them with." --Ribaldi/Rigoletto, Rigoletto (Feature Films for Families movie)
Thanks, Robs
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"There is nothing more mean and ugly in this world than to have a loving gift, a beautiful spirit, and a desire to give and share these things when there is no one to share them with." --Ribaldi/Rigoletto, Rigoletto (Feature Films for Families movie)
(I replied more in depth to your email, btw.)
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"There is nothing more mean and ugly in this world than to have a loving gift, a beautiful spirit, and a desire to give and share these things when there is no one to share them with." --Ribaldi/Rigoletto, Rigoletto (Feature Films for Families movie)
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Fall down seven times, stand up eight.~Japanese proverb
God never leaves me. In my ignorance, I have frequently thought that I have left God, but that is altogether impossible.~Angelou
Plurality in interpretation is a sign of strength.~Nietzsche
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